When in France ... do as the English do?

Having been performing in France this summer, I've a few observations that I hope will be of use to other musicians who have yet to have performed in this part of Europe.

Booking: When booking in France, it is imperative that your accent is perfect French. This is especially the case when your interpreter is male. Say any word with a hint of accent and they will (pretend?) not to 'comprehend' you. Also, your intended concert start time is given to you as set in stone, but on the day your start time may vary by up to three hours and in some cases your French agent will pretend that such a booking never happened at all (note: you may telephone your French connection beforehand, and be assured that all is on track!).

Your fee: Whatever the amount you understand to have negotiated is really only an approximation. Agree a fee of €200 and you might be paid €100. Your contract may state whatever the establishment likes. You should be pleased to be working for the French.

Contract: only the big venues agree to a contract with you. When they do require a contract with you they will want ask for your social security number, bank details, address, proof of id, etc. In most cases, I'm informed that asking for a contract is an affront to their 'trustworthiness'.

The concert: you must arrive late. Arrive early and your contacts won't be there. Dare to set-up and you'll have to move everything. Your contact often won't inform his (or her) staff about your event. He's just too busy!

Your audience: generally nice and there is usually no problem there.

Bar staff: in cafes, expect hostile reception from the male waiters. They cannot possibly charm their customers for tips if some half-wit is making music/noise and may be paid more than him (especially when the singing is non-traditional French songs).

Collecting your fee: you may be paid in whatever format the venue likes. I've heard that it can often be on the evening after the concert but this can change to 'collect it tomorrow'. The venue reserves the right of turning their phone off the next day. My cheque took two months to arrive after the concerts and it's in Euro's meaning that, unless you have a European bank account, your UK bank will deduct huge amounts in 'costs' and 'exchange'. Frankly, I'd given up that they would ever pay me at all. Now I'm left wondering how the taxman decides what a Euro earned abroad is actually worth?